The self-help section in libraries and book stores are overflowing with new titles and new editions every week. You can buy self-help books, online programs, CD's and DVD's and even Blu-Rays on every Website. You are being bombarded with 'Special Offers' on Instagram, on Facebook and all other possible (and impossible) Social Media. One 'Guru' competes with the next to lower their hands into your pockets. The self-help industry is booming ! But their consumers are not blooming ! Why is that ?
We believe it is because people have a fundamental misconception about 'Growth'. Growth is not the passive accumulation of knowledge, and of 'lifehacks' by whatever medium possible. Growth is an ACTIVE process by which the newly gained insights must be translated into ACTION. How would you feel if you were admitted to the Emergency Department of your local hospital and the attending physician revealed to you that you are suffering from acute appendicitis, and he then added "But don't you worry - I have read ALL the books about it." ? Would you feel reassured, or would you rather want to know as to how many patients he has already operated on ? Wouldn't you want to know how many of his patients woke up again after the operation ? Of course, you would ! And so would I ! There is a very cute, but nevertheless very true saying: "In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice, however, there is." Theoretical insights, unbolstered by practical, and evaluated experience are valuable to those only who are happy to reside in the ivory tower of academic knowledge. If you want to reside in the life of your dreams, rather than in the dreams about your life, you need to ACT. Every athlete with olympic aspirations knows that. If you want to be a champion of your life, you must realize that Growth comes at a price. And the price is ACTION. Why are there so many motivational speakers around ? Simple, you may say: because people seek motivation and they are even willing to pay for being motivated. Anita and I think that motivation is overrated, and inspiration is undervalued. Let me explain why: Motivation is a momentary feeling that pushes us towards something. Inspiration pulls us towards something, and is much longer lasting. Motivation requires something (or someone) from the outside to activate you.
Inspiration is a potentially life-long pull towards something that comes from your inside, your vision, to activate you. Motivation is based on your feelings; and feelings are - by definition - very short-lived. Inspiration is the meeting point of authenticity, values and belief - it is a permanent condition that relays a sense of excitement. When we try to inspire people, we are reaching for the heart in a way that the person is changed from the inside out. In our academically focused world we tend to have a rather twisted view of what constitutes growth. Generally, people think that passive ingestion of 'knowledge" and 'information', and the acquisition of certificates, diplomas and tickets is equivalent to 'growing'. Growing, however, is not a passive process. Growth only occurs when we actually 'do' things, when we put the rubber to the road, when we create, build and hustle and do all of that outside of our comfort zone, when we do it because it is difficult, not despite it being difficult.
Filling ourselves up with bits of information might be difficult for some people, but doing it for the mere purpose of storing it away in our minds so we can shine in front of others when we regurgitate that what we ingested is a profound and irresponsible waste of everybody's time. Our desire to 'fit in' requires us to reject ourselves before we stand any chance to be accepted by those who consider themselves 'normal'. These people consider everyone who is not 'normal' a 'weirdo'. The truly weird thing, however, is that all exceptional performers and achievers were all, without exception, weirdos. In our effort to 'fit in', we try to hide every single one of our little idiosyncrasies so that we don't run the risk to 'stick out like a sore thumb'. We do so willingly, because being an accepted part of the crowd is more valuable to us that to maintain our own individuality. Being part of the herd, and the ability to disappear in the midst of the herd gives us a feeling of security. What we completely disregard is the fact that once we have 'hidden' our undesirable idiosyncrasies, the person that subsequently gets accepted by the crowd no longer has a resemblance with the person that we really are. And in order to become this 'normal' and accepted person, we have to be the first ones to reject our own true identity, so that others won't. In a sense, we 'kill' ourselves pre-emptively, so that we don't get 'killed' by others.
Maybe 'fitting-in' is not so very much the desirable outcome that we should strive for. Maybe finding a place where we belong is a much more sensical goal to pursue ? You will never belong where you just fit in. But you will always fit in where you belong. The number of To-Do Apps available in the App stores is mind-blowing. People refer to them as 'productivity software'. I don't want to argue, but in my personal case they rank as 'Un-productivity Mal'ware'. 90% of the stuff I add to my 'To-Do' list never gets done. It's weird how the human mind works. But I know to be in good company when I say that no 'To-Do' list has ever made me more productive, more effective or more efficient. The combined use of three tools other than a 'To-Do' list have made me more productive than any 'To-Do'-list ever could: 1. The HABIT of planning the coming day the evening before. 2. The diligent classification of things that I need to do in accordance with the so-called Eisenhower-Matrix. 3. The strict scheduling of activities and task in my calendar.
The reasoning for the use of these three tools is easy: 1. He who fails to plan, plans to fail. 2. It's not the lack of time management skills that let's people fail, it's the lack of time prioritization skills that does. 3. The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. We in North America live in the only place on this planet where you can choose to belong to the top 1% of achievers AND earners. It is NOT the chosen few, it's the few who choose themselves that will be part of this elite group of people. Fact is that who we are today is the result of choices we made yesterday. Likewise, who we are going to become is the result of the choices we make today. Most people tend towards EASY choices. Regrettably, easy choices almost always result into a hard life. Luckily, there are choices which will result into an easy life: they are called HARD choices.
Hard choices are the choices we make when we agree to give up things and habits that we are emotionally attached to, but that lead us to an empty life, in return for receiving things that we might dislike but that lead us to a fulfilled life. A fulfilled life is rooted in the knowledge to have always made the hard choice and followed through with it BECAUSE it is hard, not DESPITE it being hard. For only hard choices allow us to grow. Accomplished personal growth is our purpose. Achieving our purpose is giving us fulfillment. Most people want change in their lives. Most people don't want to change in their lives. We have become comfort creatures. We like the comfort of our homes. We like the comfort of who we are. Change is decidedly uncomfortable. Unless it is for the better. And it is always better for OTHER people to make the change, to bear the pain of change. And man does more to avoid pain than he is willing to do in the pursuit of pleasure. Both, the avoidance of pain AND the pursuit of pleasure, have led to most people become lethargic, stagnant, debt-ridden and entitled. Why expending effort if a wait-what-happens attitude might lead to the desired results whilst we are binging out on Netflix and wait for the million Dollar lottery-win to end up in our inbox ? If we only had enough money to play the lottery ... Regrettably, most people don't realize that the longer they wait to pay the price, the longer it compounds in interest. The longer they "play now to pay later" the less likely it is that change will happen at all. Yet, their reluctance to change things INSIDE of themselves will consistently prevent them from changing the world around themselves.
There is no magic potion. There is no faithful "Lady Luck". Living your life accidentally, ie., waiting for change to happen, means you will stagnate - inside and outside. Living your life intentionally, i.e., purposefully making change happen, means you will grow. Will you ? COVID has changed our lives. It has become our new normal. Yet, nothing will ever be quite as normal as it was normal before. Normal for us was to see peoples' faces when we talked to them. To see their smiles when they laughed at our jokes. To see their tears when they told us about their trials and tribulations. To recognize their voices from afar when we happened to shop at the same grocery store.
Nowadays, when we vegetate in our self-styled exile (aka our homes), we resort to Zoom, Skype and similar platforms when we want to speak with our kids, our neighbors, our families, our friends. As if sitting in front of the idiot's lantern in the evenings wasn't enough to numb our brains, now we spend even more of the most precious commodity we have (i.e., time) in front of a rectangular box. Yet we have two choices: reflexively start and continue complaining and lamenting, or responsibly and responsively adapt, adjust and adopt new ways to embrace interpersonal communication. We were never Social Media People. We ridiculed people when they updated their status with the frequency and consistency of their daily bowel habits. We shook our heads when they described the lives they didn't have the guts to create as if they had already created them. But we must stay connected. We HAVE stayed connected by any electronic means other than Social Media. Now, we have decided to use this blog and Social Media to get our message out and add as much value to people as possible. Some will dislike our message. Some will disagree. Some might even unfriend us or troll us on Twitter. Why would we care ? Freedom of speech is non-negotiable ! And it is time to remind each other that a functioning social community needs communication and free exchange of information across all divisions, be they political, social, religious, ethnic, cultural or ideological. And what could be less divisive than freedom, success and happiness ? So, today we start the blog and develop our social media presence. We're living in interesting times - let's live ! We are not victims ! We choose to be victors ! And the journey to victory starts today ! Stay tuned ! |
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